Running is a good thing. Try it, you'll like it!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

I am LAUGHING MY A_ _ OFF at this "Runner Too Cool to Say Hi" video

I have to warn you, it's not rated PG. More like PG-13 due to language. But it made me laugh so, so, so hard. Please watch it and I really hope you laugh as hard as I did. I hope to God I never become "Joe."

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Monday, December 14, 2009

Another race and that's IT for '09!

I got talked into running the Christmas Relays in San Francisco yesterday. Had not planned on running but I really love my running team and adore the girls who wanted to run, so I jumped in on the relay with them. It was coooold and it was pouring rain for my leg. We each ran one 'lap' around Lake Merced which is about 4.5 miles around. What a great place to run! I was soaked and tired from the CIM Relay last week, as well as from a lot of sub-lactate threshold running in the days between. But I did my best with what I had and was happy about it. My overall time for the 4.47 was 30:50. I felt really challenged in the last 3/4 to 1/2 mile and was breathing really heavily when I crossed the finish line. I need to get back into aerobic shape! That will come in the next few months. Anyway, ran another 'loop' for cool down. Good times!

I don't know how our team did. Our men's team of 4 won the entire thing! Sub 5:00mpm for all of them. We were short one woman so one of the guys ran a 2nd time on our team. What a trooper, and he had just run a 2:28 marathon last week. I tell you, that's love of running right there! Here he is with our team mate and my youngest son.



So now I lay low as far as any 'racing' goes, and I build. I am so excited to get this 'work' done. I will be in good shape come March (knock on wood), where I will seek redemption at the 12K Across the Bay. Earlier this year that 12K was my first real race after the injury... and it was horrible. If I don't improve upon it in '10... I quit!!!

2009 is coming to a close and what a year. I have never looked so forward to a coming new year as I do right now. I feel like a new person and in a sense, I am.

Here's what I saw on our way home from the City yesterday. Gorgeous! Full of HOPE. :)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Fixing one's self

When I was a kid I suffered a horrible thing for quite a while. I was a victim, but I survived and here I am as a grown woman. No longer a victim but a survivor. That does not mean I am over it. It means that I have to get on with my life. Although what happened to me was something I've never repressed or forgotten, it's something I've never talked about or acknowledged out loud until recently.

Basically I lived most of my life pretending to be somebody else. And the pain of pretending just grew to be unbearable. By holding it all in my body started to suffer. My relationships suffered. The stress, anger, sadness and regret of it all started to make me feel physically unwell. When I realized that the people I love the most did not know ME for who I really was, I also realized that I needed to tell them. I needed them to know me, whether they wanted to not. I knew in my heart that being honest and real was the way my relationships would thrive, and not just survive. And it is the same with me... I want to THRIVE not just survive.

So I told each one of my siblings and my parents. (My husband knows and is my rock, no doubt about it).

After telling them I felt a sense of lightness and freedom that I had never, ever felt in all my life. For the most part, they've been supportive. But I still don't really know how to be myself around them. And I don't think they know how to relate to me anymore. I still feel the need to be something I'm not in order to stay in contact with them, and that stresses me out and makes me pull back from them. So I guess that puts me back into survival mode and not thriving mode. That's not good.

As time goes by I realize the pain, anger, sadness, stress, regret, etc., is all still inside me. This is where I acknowledge I need some outside help in order to thrive. I do what I can on my own to make me feel better. I run (that's a huge help), I spend time with my husband and children, I see friends whenever I can, I pray, I read the Bible. But I need more help.

So how am I going to get it? First I have to acknowledge some things. Foremost, what happened to me was in NO part my fault. None of it! Secondly, I don't have to have had a life like everyone else and yet I am still a good human being. I can also triumphantly say that the trauma stopped and ended with me.

How I wish the person who did this to me had made it stop and end with them. I am working on forgiveness, though. I don't have to be around this person, I don't have to associate with this person, but in my heart I feel I have to forgive this person in order to move on.

I'm getting some professional help, too. I guess I'm sharing this because I have HOPE, which is such a good thing. If there's one thing that anyone gets out of reading this, I hope it's that you will always have hope.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Interpreting dreams

I always have the weirdest dreams before I run marathons, and I'm probably not even going to run the full marathon on Sunday. Just part of it. Anyway, last night I dreamed that I was driving in the darkness, but it was daytime. There was a fierce storm and the clouds covered the sky. It was literally black in my dream. I could see the rain on my windshield, and there was lightning in the distance that would sometimes light the road. But it was extremely difficult to see and I kept straining in my seat to improve my field of vision. Finally more lightning, but I did not hear thunder. Despite the lightning and despite it being daytime, I was still driving in the dark. And then I entered a tunnel and I lost all light, even from the lightning. But then I started to see light at the end of the tunnel (I kid you not).

As I drove through the tunnel it was broad daylight and I could see the road, but it was pounding furious rain and visibility was still poor. I decided to get off the freeway but in my dream I felt the need to head north. I couldn't see the freeway off ramp sign clearly but I thought it said north so I took it. And as I got onto the off ramp I realized I was headed south. I panicked but kept driving.

I suddenly found myself on this very narrow road made of large river rock. They looked like small boulders. I was in my SUV and my windows were rolled down because now it was super sunny and warm, and not raining. The sky was bright blue. To my right was steep hillside and to my left was vast ocean. Between me and the ocean was a small concrete curb, like the height and width of a parking space barrier. I did my best not to panic because I knew that one odd bump or slightly wrong turn of the steering wheel, I'd be under water.

And then I looked to the right and the steep hillside was COVERED with seals. Yes, the kind you find along the ocean. They were moving about, but very quiet. I was shocked in my dream. I could not take my eyes off them. But as the road got bumpier and the rocks got bigger, I realized I had no idea where the road was taking me and I told myself that I need to back out of there onto the main road. I threw the car in reverse and looked at my driver side mirror, in my rear view mirror and over my right shoulder. All I could see was ocean, curb and seals. It felt like the seals were at the level of my car windows and practically jumping in. But they did not harm me. I thought I saw teeth on some of them, but I don't think they were trying to bight me.

Anyway, just as I was getting onto the main road again where it widened and leveled out, my dream ended.

So much symbolism if you believe in that kind of thing. Sometimes I do. I looked up the following things on a dream analysis website: darkness, tunnel, lightning, rain, north, south, sun, sky, rocks, ocean and seals. And here's what those symbols might mean. I found it interesting.

Darkness: To dream that darkness comes upon you, signifies failure in some work that you are attempting. Darkness is synonymous with ignorance, the unconscious, evil, death, and fear of the unknown. If the sun breaks through the darkness, then you will overcome your failures.

Tunnel: To dream that you are going through a tunnel, suggests that you are exploring aspects of your unconscious. You are opening yourself to a brand new awareness. Alternatively, it indicates your limited perspective as in the phrase tunnel vision. Are you being close minded or narrow minded in some issue?
To see the light at the end of a tunnel, symbolizes hope. You will be able to navigate through life and all its difficulties with great success. It may also indicate the end of your journey or goals.

Rain: To see and hear rain falling, symbolizes forgiveness and grace. Falling rain may be a metaphor for tears, crying and sadness.
To dream that you are watching the rain from a window, indicates that spiritual ideas and insights are being brought to you awareness. It may also symbolize fortune and love.

North
To dream of the direction north, symbolizes reality. It also indicates that you are making progress and moving forward in life.

South
To dream of the direction south, indicates life, expectations, and questions. Alternatively, it may symbolize love, passion and warmth. Or it is an indication that a plan has gone awry.

Sunshine
To dream of sunshine, indicates that you are experiencing some sort of emotional or situational breakthrough. The dream is offering you reassurance and that you are headed on the right track.

Sky
To look up at the clear blue sky in your dream, denotes hope, possibilities, creativity, peace and freedom of expression. Consider the phrase "the sky's the limit." If the sky is cloudy and overcast, then it foretells of sadness and trouble.

Rocks: To see rocks in your dream, signifies permanence and stability as expressed in the familiar phrase "as solid as a rock". It may also indicate that you are making a commitment to a relationship. Or you may be contemplating some changes in your life that will lay the groundwork for a more solid foundation. On the other hand rocks may also symbolize stubbornness, disharmony and unhappiness.

Ocean: To see an ocean in your dream, represents the state of your emotions and feelings. It is indicative of some spiritual refreshment, tranquility and renewal.

Seals: To see a seal in your dream, indicates your playfulness and your ability to use and incorporate differing ideas and thoughts into a situation. Seals are a symbol of good luck, success, and spiritual understanding. It also signifies prosperity, faithful friends, and security in love. Alternatively, the dream symbol may also be a pun and indicate you need to put closure on some situation as in "sealing the deal".

Hmmm, kind of neat to think about.