Hanging up the RACING shoes for a while

I went to the physical therapist this morning and he told me that I could get stronger and probably avoid surgery and get back to being competitive IF I gave up the high intensity training and racing for at least 6 weeks. Basically, call it a season right now.

He said I could keep running easy miles, but everyday might be too much for now. He even said I could still do a long run of 20 miles every 10 days to 2 weeks or so, as long as I kept the pace in check and didn't introduce speed into it.

His reasoning was because just 3 weeks ago I was so swollen and in so much pain that the sports doctor couldn't even examine the area without me begging him to stop. He said 3 weeks is not enough time for the tendon and arch to strengthen to the point where I could do high intensity running without causing further damage. I need to give this adequate time to heal as best as it can and really concentrate on strengthening the area, and my feet in general.

The PT said if my long range goals were to keep competing and to run sub 3:00 marathons, he highly recommended I don't race the 30K next Sunday and that I don't race the CIM. Also that I forego any kind of speed or tempo work longer than 30-40 minutes, and only once a week if that.

Every time I brought up racing or hard training runs, he shook his head at me and finally said, "You have to make this decision based on your long term goals. If you end up needing that surgery I can almost guarantee, based on my experience with runners, that you will end up being a recreational runner afterward, if you're lucky."

I guess that was enough for me. I'm hanging up my racing shoes for a while. Not my running shoes... just the racers. Yes, I've already cried over it. Drank wine over it. Ate disgusting amounts of chocolate over it. I just need to let it soak in and accept it. At least I can still run. I think I'm going for a 25 mile bike ride tomorrow, just to purge my sorrow over not racing for the rest of this year.

Still Running Down a Dream

... but unlike Tom Petty's version, I'm hoping mine will come to me!

I've been discussing orthotics and foot issues with a friend from the RWOL forum. He's The BBK (The Baseball Kid) and he's run thousands of miles over the years and many races, including a sub 2:50 marathon. I asked him to tell me more about his running style and his running shoes. After years of repetitive overuse injuries, he slowly trained himself with the help of Newton Running Shoes to shorten his stride and therefore become a mid foot striker. He no longer uses the Newton Running Shoes because he's become quite efficient at the running style. Well, and they're almost $200 a pop.

I asked him what other tools he's used to avoid repetitive injuries and he said he's tried custom orthotics six times, all of them failed to help. He said it wasn't until his physical therapist suggested he try Walk Fit Insoles that he found a solution for his problems. His back hurt, his knees hurt and his feet hurt and he was just not feeling the love for running anymore. He tried these insoles (oddly enough there is a 'cheesy' commercial, as he puts it, on TV for them) and he has been problem free ever since.

I had to give these suckers a go and guess where I found them? Bed, Bath & Beyond! Yes, for the low, low price of $19.95. As seen on TV! The stiff orthotics come with 3 levels of support 'pads' which are actually more like hard plastic, so you can customize the foot bed to suit your level of comfort. I find that awesome because right now my right foot needs MAJOR support, whereas my left foot is still pretty strong so I use the lowest level support pad.

I took them out for a 20 mile run yesterday and it was like a God send. :) Don't get me wrong, the orthotics did not take away that long run 'pain' that you feel from miles 10-20, but it did prevent the sharp foot/ankle pain I'd been feeling. I completed the run the way my coach wanted me to: First 5 at 8:15s or faster, 2nd 5 at 7:50s or faster and last 10 at 7:20-7:30s (I did those at 7:22s average). I was so thankful to have survived it and am enjoying some downtime today.

Anyway, the Walk Fit Insoles support different parts of the arches in your feet, and don't focus on just medial stability. It feels like they are lifting the arch area placed closer to the mid foot rather than at the ankle, so they don't push on the tendon that is already thrashed (in my case at least). They seem to be supporting the bones that the posterior tibial tendon is attached to. I walk around in them and feel complete support! And a bonus is my knees don't crack as much as they used to.

Okay, enough endorsements. I hope you are all running happily and staying healthy. After all, none of this stuff matters unless you have your good health! I learned that lesson and hope to carry it with me forever.

MRI Results Are In

Very little bad news and mostly good news. Thank God!

I have tears in my posterior tibial tendon that won't repair themselves, and that has caused my right arch to begin to fall. However, he said the tendon is still functioning fairly well because my arch still has some flexibility and 'bounces back' a little from a flattened position. He sees that as a good sign.

He also re-examined the tendon area yesterday and I felt no pain at all. Nothing. We both were pleasantly surprised. He said as long as I continue to improve and not feel pain, I can keep doing what I'm doing. He said to come back if two things happen... the arch completely flattens out and does not 'bounce back', or I begin to feel chronic pain again that does not go away despite rest and rehab measures. He said I will feel mostly good days if I continue to improve, and there will be a couple of bad days in the mix while I get stronger. But if there's several weeks of bad days, then come back.

We discussed my training habits, the kind of shoes I wear, my short and long term running goals, my race schedule. He took all that into consideration and offered me conservative options for treatment, and encouraged me to continue my training and running. He just advised me to be cognizant of good pain versus bad pain and to know when to pull back. After the last few weeks I am more cognizant of that than ever.

What I've been doing that has helped:
I have added supportive inserts to my low stability shoes. SOLE brand - Dean Karnazes model, heat moldable.
I'm running fewer miles, mostly just the quality workouts of tempo runs, long runs and occasional V02 workouts.
I'm cycling, pool running or doing elliptical on recovery days.
I'm doing physical therapy exercises for the ankles every other day.
I'm shortening my strides so that my feet fall under my center of gravity rather than in front of me. This makes me strike mid foot (or on my entire foot) rather than heel strike. The heel striking causes me a significant amount of pain in the tendon area.
I wear a wrap on my right ankle when I'm not wearing supportive shoes.

He said I could go for it at the CIM! That is music to my ears!!!

Teaching myself how to run

Okay, couple updates. Had the MRI taken yesterday and get to go over the results with the doctor on Thursday. I wish I knew how to 'read' MRIs because I have all the films, I just don't know what the heck they all mean.

I've been running. Probably not the brightest idea, but it feels good to be out there. However, I have had to change something major in my running... my foot strike. I have always been a heel striker and quite comfortable with it up until this injury. When I went out for a run Monday afternoon, my ankle was really just killing me (the tendon area). I didn't want to stop so I completely adjusted my foot strike to mid foot. I basically stood up tall and as I leaned slightly forward, my foot stepped out to catch my fall. My knee was bent and I landed on my entire foot, not just my heel. And knew this was how I needed to be running. So that is what I did. I ran the entire 6 miles very conscience of the way my feet struck the ground. Within a minute I was not feeling any ankle pain! I was careful not to land on the balls of my feet, but on my entire foot at once.


Yesterday morning my husband accompanied me on the bike as I ran. I practiced my midfoot strike and he commented on how different my body appeared. I asked him what was different and he said, "Your body looks taller." Apparently I slouched a lot the way I used to run. He also said it looked like my feet were landing underneath me rather than in front of me... this is what I want!!!

When I watch my kids run, this is how they do it. They don't heel strike. Somewhere along the way we adults start to land on our heels. There are some fortunate grown up runners who naturally run with a midfoot strike, and I've found that they deal with practically no overuse injuries. I talked to Miguel about it and he said it was actually the most efficient way to run, but it will take practice. But he is all for it if I don't feel pain. Of course he's naturally a midfoot striker. Some guys have all the luck. ;)

I'll update when I get the results of the MRI tomorrow.

Run on, run healthy!

Maybe it is just anxiety and my mind... maybe I'm not broken

Now I'm just talking to myself, so if you're reading, bear with me.

Last Sunday I had a great, great 18 mile run after having been down the week before. Mike and Jimmy were riding along side me on the bike, and Larry was running with me. He let me dictate the pace... basically I had to do the workout the way Miguel wrote it out:

First 8 miles at 8:10-8:20 pace (easy). Miles 9-12 at 7:40-7:50 pace (even easier, and I ran them faster). Mile 13 at 6:55 (hit it exactly), mile 14 at easy recovery (about 7:35), mile 15 at 6:50 (ran it in 6:40), mile 16 easy recovery (same as mile 14), mile 17 alternated :30 at 10K pace with :30 easy (avg. pace for that mile was 6:47), mile 18 was cool down (7:50 pace). I hit all the paces or was faster and it felt so good. I felt so fresh. The foot/ankle hardly bothered me until the cool down. It was miraculous. I think the average pace for the whole thing was 7:45. I had a good run on Tuesday (10 miles on rolling hills) and then Thursday, I choked the tempo run.

Maybe I am seriously injured, maybe I'm not. Until I know for sure, I will continue to push myself and that might be my downfall.

But at any rate, I HAVE to focus on the good runs and learn from the 'bad' ones. So that's what I'll do. And maybe this time next week I won't be running at all, or I'll have good news from the MRI and continue training for the CIM. Only God knows and I have to trust him. What else is there to do?! I have to trust him.

Thanks for reading.

Fear and Anxiety suck

You know what, I'm actually afraid to run. It's definitely a psychological thing now and I feel anxious about it. I'm afraid to run because I'm afraid of continuing to fail/slow down/quit mid workout, etc. And I'm afraid of completely wrecking my tendon.

It has been 5 business days and I still have not been able to get the MRI that the sports doctor ordered, (I'm praying for this week).

My coach told me to take Friday, Saturday and today completely off of ANY physical exercise (so no cross training either). I ran on Thursday the 16th and it was depressing. It was supposed to be a long tempo run and I literally had to take :30 after each mile to regain composure and catch my breath. I hit the tempo pace up until mile 6 (and that was nice), but then I deteriorated from there to mile 9, and then just stopped and jogged. I was supposed to do a 12 mile progressive tempo. Oh well. I managed to run 12 miles that day instead of the 15.5 I was supposed to do.

I'm wearing an ankle wrap all the time and babying my right foot/ankle. I think I'm ruined mentally for running and I don't know how to overcome it. Do you have ANY, ANY pointers at all? Help!!!

I want to run but am also fearful of doing worse damage to the tendon in question. Just based on the doctor's examination, he said, "When we see the MRI, it's probably not going to make you happy." I hope he's wrong.

Miguel (my coach) is awesome and really trying to not let me get too discouraged. He shares stories of many talented runners who have suffered through very serious injuries and after time off, came back even stronger. I just hope I get some confidence back somewhere along the way.

So for now, that's where I am in training. The CIM is completely up in the air at this point. My heart wants to run and run hard... but my mind is playing games and it has definitely affected my physical running ability. Don't let this happen to you!!! Sorry to unload. I just had to vent to somebody.

Surround yourself with positive things, positive running images. Take a day or two off if you think it will help you. Think positively all the time! Remember how strong you really are and how much you like to race and train.

Just to remind myself not to throw in the towel

From the NY Times:

"Elite runners, of course, are not like the rest of us. But it can help to see what they do when they are injured.

Paula Radcliffe talked about the training that helped her run in the Olympic marathon after sustaining a stress fracture in April.
Paula Radcliffe, the world-record holder in the women’s marathon, sustained a stress fracture in her left leg at the end of April and was told by her doctors that she should forget about running in the Olympic marathon in August. She had to take four weeks off, with complete rest, and spend three of those weeks on crutches. But Radcliffe was determined to train for the marathon anyway. In e-mail messages, she explained her training.

When the four weeks of rest were over, Radcliffe began pool running, 70 to 75 minutes in the morning and an hour in the afternoon. Two weeks later, she was able to use a Nordic ski machine, once a day for up to 75 minutes, and then immediately jump into the pool for an hour of pool running. Her pool running consisted of high-intensity bouts lasting 30 seconds to four minutes interspersed with recovery periods of no longer than 30 seconds. Then she began using the Nordic machine followed by pool running twice a day.

“By eight weeks in, I was able to transition to a combination of the ski machine and elliptical trainer with the occasional pool session,” Radcliffe wrote. She simulated running sessions on the elliptical cross-trainer, using the machine for up to 2 hours 30 minutes at a steady level of effort and also doing sessions with higher intensity segments, like three to eight minutes of hard effort followed by 90 seconds of easier effort for recovery.

After nine and a half weeks, Radcliffe started using the Alter-G, an antigravity treadmill that subtracts weight from runners, allowing them to strike the ground with less impact as they run. She began gradually with a five-minute jog and a five-minute walk at 75 percent of her body weight and continued with the ski machine and the elliptical. Gradually, she built up to longer times and greater percentages of her weight.

Finally, 12 weeks after her injury, Radcliffe ran outside, but only for 20 minutes. At about 14 weeks after her injury, Radcliffe left for her training camp in Macau, having run outside only six times.

On Aug. 17, she ran in the Olympic marathon in Beijing, finishing 23rd. She was hampered by cramps in her calf that occurred, she said, because her back was stiff and it pinched a nerve.

“The good thing was my leg didn’t reinjure,” Radcliffe wrote. “The marathon was like a bad training session that I recovered quickly from and am now gradually getting back to decent running fitness again.” "

Possibilities

Life is full of possibilities. I choose to see things in a good way as much as I can. What I mean is I went to the sports medicine doctor on Monday and his preliminary diagnosis is Posterior Tibialis Tendinosis. My first thought was what is the difference between tendinosis and tendinitis?

"tendinitis
The suffix "itis" means inflammation. The term tendinitis should be reserved for tendon injuries that involve larger-scale acute injuries accompanied by inflammation. Take NSAIDs, rest, ice, etc. Usually okay within 2 weeks.

tendinosis
The suffix "osis" implies a pathology of chronic degeneration without inflammation. Doctors prefer the term tendinosis for chronic tendon injuries. The main problem for someone with tendinosis is failed healing, not inflammation; tendinosis is an accumulation over time of microscopic injuries that don't heal properly. Although inflammation can be involved in the initial stages of the injury, it is the inability of the tendon to heal that perpetuates the pain and disability. Most of the pain associated with tendinosis probably comes not from inflammation but from other irritating biochemical substances associated with the
injury.

If a tendinosis is treated early, it will take 6-10 weeks for full recovery. Many people, however, are unaware of the seriousness of beginning aches and pains, whether they be from work or sport. Often, if their pain disappears after a short warm-up, they will continue to work/play without seeking out proper medical advice/treatment. (That sounds like me). The result is chronic overuse tendinosis which can take 3-6 months for full recovery. An understanding of this is important for the treating practioner(s), insurance providers, coaches and or employers."

I have an MRI for this week and probably won't have results until next week but the doc says that I can train on it until we know for sure, but to be very aware of PAIN (not soreness) and know when to stop.

HAHAHA, I guess if I knew when to stop I wouldn't be in this predicament, now would I?

But yes, I have continued to run. Did 10 miles on the golf course yesterday, nice rolling hills. My foot/ankle bothered me a bit but it really really acted up AFTER the run. I did a lot of trigger point massage last night and talk about pain! But it's worth it if it helps the area get stronger. Tomorrow I'm supposed to do a long tempo run. I'm taking easy days off right now, but will resume them with cross training sessions next week.

The good news is that life is full of possibilities... and no matter what comes of this, there will be other things I can look forward to while I'm not running. :) God is good.

Better

Thanks to everyone who read my last entry, and thanks to those who left a comment. :) I'm better now. It had been a downer of a week. I really took that race to heart, blamed myself for all that went wrong and just felt like a failure. I was so hard on myself and really lost a ton of confidence in this entire thing we call running. After MANY, MANY go rounds with my coach, we made some changes in my training that begin this week. Last week he told me to take all my easy days OFF and I could cross train or completely rest on those days. I chose to take them completely off of any activity, with the exception of Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and yesterday. Tuesday I did run very easy miles. Thursday I did cruise/tempo intervals at 10K pace. It was difficult for me to get out there and do those because of fear of failure, but I said, "Screw it. I have to just get over this." So I did the workout and felt almost 100% better about things, but not quite. Friday I ran very easy, just 20 minutes. For each of these runs, my foot/ankle problems were ever present. Just a downer! Oh well. Yesterday I had a long run of 18 on schedule with a ton of speedplay built in and I felt the need to do it. I wanted to do it. I had the fire in my belly to do it.

I called Larry and he agreed to run with me. My husband and little guy were with us on the bike. It was the best run I've had in a LOOOOONG time. I hit all the paces and even ran :10 faster per mile than I needed to in the later miles. I felt so strong and so fresh, mentally and mostly physically. But my foot/ankle still hurts. :( Overall though, it gave me the boost of confidence I needed. And it reassured me that the anaphylaxis and what it did to my body on race day was out of my control. There was no way I could stop my body from fighting it. Either it had to fight it, or it had to run hard... obviously fighting it was my body's priority! So my apologies to the race.

Anyway, did I pray out there on the long run yesterday? Yes. Did I pray a lot? Yes. I also just let go and gave it over to God. And my last 5 miles were my strongest. As I ran them at 10K race pace and felt my body fatigue and my breathing get really rapid, I thought, "This is what it's all about. This is what God has made my body capable of doing. Use it." I was so happy after that run. Ask my husband! Ask Larry! I was beaming. The overall run was done at a 7:45/mile average. Not too bad after a shoddy week.

Went to church with the family last night and felt so refreshed and thankful.

Talked to Miguel and he reassured me that I am very fit and in great shape and when it comes time to really taper for the CIM, I'm going to be very ready to attack my goal. He does not sugar coat stuff. He does not lie to people about how they're running. So to hear that from him after all the crap I was feeling last week is good.

Going to the sports doc today to get things checked out. I hope it's nothing that won't require more than a few days rest/cross training. But after yesterday... my foot is one big owie!

My Half Marathon and how God is Talking to Me...

Shame on me for trying to ignore what God's saying. I've had a very strange month with weird acute injuries or illnesses popping up every week. Honestly, it feels like my body is breaking down. Mentally, I'm in it, I'm in the game. Physically, it's just not happening. I'll start with a little recap of the last few weeks and then get to a race report.

It was about two weeks ago that I had that sudden upper back and neck immobility and I was pretty much laying down for one full day and then did very slow pool running the next day. Exactly one week later my inner right ankle swelled up like a plum due to tendon issues. I took one full day completely off and then did a hard pool running session the next day. I ran 3 days last week. I also found out via xray that I have degenerative bone mass in my right ankle, higher up the bone. Basically I'm at risk for stress fracture there, and for osteoporosis everywhere else. Ugh. And today was the icing on the cake with another episode of anaphylaxis.

Today I raced a half marathon, if you could call it that. The bad news is had I been at the top of my game, I would have taken 2nd or 3rd in my age group. The bad, bad news is I was nowhere close to the top of my game. The night before the race I had broken out with symptoms of anaphylactic shock which I have suffered through several times in the last few years, and spent time in the ER twice because of it. I caught it just in time to pop Benadryl before my airway was completely blocked. I went to bed with a puffy face and a thick throat, and woke up still slightly puffy but breathing fine. When I get full blown anaphylactic shock, I get 'monster' face. It's really, really not pretty. My face, swells up like a balloon, my eyes practically swell shut and I break out in hives all over my body, and then my airway begins to close rapidly.

So this morning I felt pretty good. Had a good night's sleep thanks to the Benadryl. I warmed up for 2 miles with my brother and felt so good, sharp, ready to roll. The plan was to run the first two miles very conservatively at 6:55 per mile and then slowly pick it up to about 6:45 by mile 5, and then let it roll... just race the rest of it at full capacity. I was nailing the splits with my brother by my side. It was awesome. Then I started to feel odd in the 6th mile, just not strong but not winded. We met Larry/Mosquito at the 7th mile (he did the first 6 or so miles as a tempo run and then wanted to run the last half of the race with me and my brother. When I saw him I was slowly on the downward spiral and I didn't even know it.

I managed somehow to kick out a 6:41 for mile 8, and then my body just wanted to quit. I fought it with my positive thoughts, but my body actually overpowered me. It was not 'a wall,' it was something strange that I had not experienced during a race. I still can't describe it except to say that I had nothing in me, despite having eaten very well in the days leading up to the race, and having hydrated well, having had adequate rest and having eaten a good breakfast this morning.

I've felt 'the wall' before... and that was not what I felt today.

Somewhere during mile 9 I looked at my brother and Mosquito and said, "It's a no go for me. I have to DNF. I can't GO.'" They both know that I just don't quit races. I might run them slow if I'm really hurting, but I don't quit. But I absolutely would have walked off the course and quit, without regret, had they not been there and had my husband and youngest son not been waiting for me at the finish. Mosquito and my brother said, "Whatever you do, do not DNF this race. Jog it in if you have to." Mosquito said, "If you DNF now, it will wreck you mentally for the CIM later. Trust me." I said, "Okay, but you guys go, please. And Larry, pace my brother to a sub 1:30... that's his goal today." And with that, they ran on.

I jogged for a bit, contemplating DNF-ing, but then I thought of my hubby and how much I just wanted to climb into his arms. That kept me going. I literally ran 7:10-7:25s for the next 3 miles. During this time, I began to itch everywhere, and then I began to scratch, and then I could see my right upper eyelid in my field of vision and I knew what was happening. That crappy anaphylaxis was coming back! Dammit. It all made sense to me why I was so physically drained and exhausted. My body was fighting it off with everything it had, and not lending much to my running goals. No wonder my body took over my brain.

Anyway, I cheered on everyone that passed me. Inside I wanted to cry but I kept thinking, "Hubby is at the finish waiting for ME. Just run TO HIM." I was very happy when Reyana/Big Girl caught up to me somewhere before mile 11. The sight of her was like seeing an good friend when I needed one, and she helped bring me in. Thanks Big Girl!

I found my husband pretty quickly after I left the finisher's area, and he looked at me and knew immediately that I needed medical attention. He had been to the ER with me when I've had episodes before. When my voice starts getting really deep and cracking, he knows my airway is closing. That's when he said we needed to go to the ER. I kept saying no. We went to the medical tents looking for Benadryl. None of them had any. He kept saying we needed to get to the hospital or to the fire station where they could hit me with the epi-pen and then take me to the ER. I said no. We finally walked into a hotel and found Benadryl in the gift shop. I popped two and about 2 hours later, the itching stopped and my airway was back to almost normal.

As I type this my eyes are still pretty swollen, but other than that I'm feeling okay, just physically exhausted.

I talked with Miguel on the phone shortly after the race and he was concerned. He has had an episode before and was in the ER for it also, so he knows what it does to the body. He knew that was the reason why my body wanted to stop. He said, "Your body was working in overdrive to fight off the allergic reaction. That's what happened to you." Anyway, he told me to rest a lot tonight and tomorrow and then we'd reevaluate the week ahead of us.

Miguel beat Adam Goucher today at the San Jose Half, and ran a PR to boot! Awesome and inspiring!!!

My brother was incredible and finished in 1:30! A huge PR for him. And his wife ran GREAT and finished in 1:51. I'm very proud of both of them. I finished in 1:32, and basically will log it as a semi-decent training/tempo run. I was glad when it was over and it was so good to feel my husband's arms around me at the finish. Salvation. It felt like I was saved!

I'm taking all these physical mishaps as a sign from God that my body probably needs to go easy for a while. I'll cross train a lot because I need that physical activity, but I think all the hard training is finally wreaking havoc on me. :( It has been a long time since I've consistently felt like crap after EVERY run, even the easy ones. That's how I feel now after all my runs, and it's very sad. It's not a mental feeling, it's definitely all physical and that's the hard part. My body is strongly at odds with my will right now.

Thanks for reading, and just know that I am fine. I just need to find out what it actually is that I'm allergic to, and I need to get an MRI for my ankle to find out what kind of tendon damage there is. I already know about the bone 'damage.' Take care of yourselves!

Me and Kendra:

Me and Lee:

For my friend, RGreen45 :)

I am really SLillie (aka Silly Lillie, aka The Skirt, aka GB). :)

And for anyone else reading... I have much to blog about so I'll do that soon.

I might be busy tomorrow... it's my hubby's birthday. Big 3-9.