My Half Marathon and how God is Talking to Me...

Shame on me for trying to ignore what God's saying. I've had a very strange month with weird acute injuries or illnesses popping up every week. Honestly, it feels like my body is breaking down. Mentally, I'm in it, I'm in the game. Physically, it's just not happening. I'll start with a little recap of the last few weeks and then get to a race report.

It was about two weeks ago that I had that sudden upper back and neck immobility and I was pretty much laying down for one full day and then did very slow pool running the next day. Exactly one week later my inner right ankle swelled up like a plum due to tendon issues. I took one full day completely off and then did a hard pool running session the next day. I ran 3 days last week. I also found out via xray that I have degenerative bone mass in my right ankle, higher up the bone. Basically I'm at risk for stress fracture there, and for osteoporosis everywhere else. Ugh. And today was the icing on the cake with another episode of anaphylaxis.

Today I raced a half marathon, if you could call it that. The bad news is had I been at the top of my game, I would have taken 2nd or 3rd in my age group. The bad, bad news is I was nowhere close to the top of my game. The night before the race I had broken out with symptoms of anaphylactic shock which I have suffered through several times in the last few years, and spent time in the ER twice because of it. I caught it just in time to pop Benadryl before my airway was completely blocked. I went to bed with a puffy face and a thick throat, and woke up still slightly puffy but breathing fine. When I get full blown anaphylactic shock, I get 'monster' face. It's really, really not pretty. My face, swells up like a balloon, my eyes practically swell shut and I break out in hives all over my body, and then my airway begins to close rapidly.

So this morning I felt pretty good. Had a good night's sleep thanks to the Benadryl. I warmed up for 2 miles with my brother and felt so good, sharp, ready to roll. The plan was to run the first two miles very conservatively at 6:55 per mile and then slowly pick it up to about 6:45 by mile 5, and then let it roll... just race the rest of it at full capacity. I was nailing the splits with my brother by my side. It was awesome. Then I started to feel odd in the 6th mile, just not strong but not winded. We met Larry/Mosquito at the 7th mile (he did the first 6 or so miles as a tempo run and then wanted to run the last half of the race with me and my brother. When I saw him I was slowly on the downward spiral and I didn't even know it.

I managed somehow to kick out a 6:41 for mile 8, and then my body just wanted to quit. I fought it with my positive thoughts, but my body actually overpowered me. It was not 'a wall,' it was something strange that I had not experienced during a race. I still can't describe it except to say that I had nothing in me, despite having eaten very well in the days leading up to the race, and having hydrated well, having had adequate rest and having eaten a good breakfast this morning.

I've felt 'the wall' before... and that was not what I felt today.

Somewhere during mile 9 I looked at my brother and Mosquito and said, "It's a no go for me. I have to DNF. I can't GO.'" They both know that I just don't quit races. I might run them slow if I'm really hurting, but I don't quit. But I absolutely would have walked off the course and quit, without regret, had they not been there and had my husband and youngest son not been waiting for me at the finish. Mosquito and my brother said, "Whatever you do, do not DNF this race. Jog it in if you have to." Mosquito said, "If you DNF now, it will wreck you mentally for the CIM later. Trust me." I said, "Okay, but you guys go, please. And Larry, pace my brother to a sub 1:30... that's his goal today." And with that, they ran on.

I jogged for a bit, contemplating DNF-ing, but then I thought of my hubby and how much I just wanted to climb into his arms. That kept me going. I literally ran 7:10-7:25s for the next 3 miles. During this time, I began to itch everywhere, and then I began to scratch, and then I could see my right upper eyelid in my field of vision and I knew what was happening. That crappy anaphylaxis was coming back! Dammit. It all made sense to me why I was so physically drained and exhausted. My body was fighting it off with everything it had, and not lending much to my running goals. No wonder my body took over my brain.

Anyway, I cheered on everyone that passed me. Inside I wanted to cry but I kept thinking, "Hubby is at the finish waiting for ME. Just run TO HIM." I was very happy when Reyana/Big Girl caught up to me somewhere before mile 11. The sight of her was like seeing an good friend when I needed one, and she helped bring me in. Thanks Big Girl!

I found my husband pretty quickly after I left the finisher's area, and he looked at me and knew immediately that I needed medical attention. He had been to the ER with me when I've had episodes before. When my voice starts getting really deep and cracking, he knows my airway is closing. That's when he said we needed to go to the ER. I kept saying no. We went to the medical tents looking for Benadryl. None of them had any. He kept saying we needed to get to the hospital or to the fire station where they could hit me with the epi-pen and then take me to the ER. I said no. We finally walked into a hotel and found Benadryl in the gift shop. I popped two and about 2 hours later, the itching stopped and my airway was back to almost normal.

As I type this my eyes are still pretty swollen, but other than that I'm feeling okay, just physically exhausted.

I talked with Miguel on the phone shortly after the race and he was concerned. He has had an episode before and was in the ER for it also, so he knows what it does to the body. He knew that was the reason why my body wanted to stop. He said, "Your body was working in overdrive to fight off the allergic reaction. That's what happened to you." Anyway, he told me to rest a lot tonight and tomorrow and then we'd reevaluate the week ahead of us.

Miguel beat Adam Goucher today at the San Jose Half, and ran a PR to boot! Awesome and inspiring!!!

My brother was incredible and finished in 1:30! A huge PR for him. And his wife ran GREAT and finished in 1:51. I'm very proud of both of them. I finished in 1:32, and basically will log it as a semi-decent training/tempo run. I was glad when it was over and it was so good to feel my husband's arms around me at the finish. Salvation. It felt like I was saved!

I'm taking all these physical mishaps as a sign from God that my body probably needs to go easy for a while. I'll cross train a lot because I need that physical activity, but I think all the hard training is finally wreaking havoc on me. :( It has been a long time since I've consistently felt like crap after EVERY run, even the easy ones. That's how I feel now after all my runs, and it's very sad. It's not a mental feeling, it's definitely all physical and that's the hard part. My body is strongly at odds with my will right now.

Thanks for reading, and just know that I am fine. I just need to find out what it actually is that I'm allergic to, and I need to get an MRI for my ankle to find out what kind of tendon damage there is. I already know about the bone 'damage.' Take care of yourselves!

Me and Kendra:

Me and Lee: